“Everything isn’t meant to be ok”

Well that works out grand because my life is far from ok right now.

So, I quit my job, a little over a month ago. Yes I hated it, yes I couldn’t wait to leave, but I did not quit my job rashly, I quit, under the impression I had a new job to run to. How wrong was I. What was meant to be m new full time job with better pay, has ended up in me doing about three shifts, and only earning £120. 

I don’t know if any of you guys know this, but £120 is barely good for one week, let alone four. 

So, long sad pathetic story short, I am down to my last few hundred pounds. I have to pay out around £400 in the next month and a half, and clearly my income does not match my outgoings. I am really, truly struggling, and so scared. Barely eating (that costs money y’know) and I just want to cry all the time. 

Don’t get me wrong, I have had a few days in the last month when I haven’t been so down. I’ve been able to temporarily forget that I actually cannot afford to exist, that my life is going down the shitter, that all the fabulous GCSE grades in the world do not mean anything. But most days, I don’t see the point in getting up. I feel like a let down to all those around me. I feel like an embarrassment, a failure. I hate myself. 

There was a time when I dreamt of being a lawyer. There was a time when I was going to do a degree in English. Become a teacher, a journalist, a musician. And now look at me. 

Too poor to even breath the same air as the rest of you.

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