“Everything isn’t meant to be ok”

Well that works out grand because my life is far from ok right now.

So, I quit my job, a little over a month ago. Yes I hated it, yes I couldn’t wait to leave, but I did not quit my job rashly, I quit, under the impression I had a new job to run to. How wrong was I. What was meant to be m new full time job with better pay, has ended up in me doing about three shifts, and only earning £120. 

I don’t know if any of you guys know this, but £120 is barely good for one week, let alone four. 

So, long sad pathetic story short, I am down to my last few hundred pounds. I have to pay out around £400 in the next month and a half, and clearly my income does not match my outgoings. I am really, truly struggling, and so scared. Barely eating (that costs money y’know) and I just want to cry all the time. 

Don’t get me wrong, I have had a few days in the last month when I haven’t been so down. I’ve been able to temporarily forget that I actually cannot afford to exist, that my life is going down the shitter, that all the fabulous GCSE grades in the world do not mean anything. But most days, I don’t see the point in getting up. I feel like a let down to all those around me. I feel like an embarrassment, a failure. I hate myself. 

There was a time when I dreamt of being a lawyer. There was a time when I was going to do a degree in English. Become a teacher, a journalist, a musician. And now look at me. 

Too poor to even breath the same air as the rest of you.

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25 Things You Learn From Working A Crappy Retail Job

Thought Catalog

1. A smile isn’t always an indication of happiness, and after standing on your feet for ten hours, it’s an indication of madness verging on serial murder. After nine o’clock, customers should only approach a smiling retail employee at their own risk – or with a baseball bat behind their back.

2. You will make a lot of friends working retail, and you may even get some numbers from the customers you don’t want to drown like a bag of kittens. However, no relationship will be as important as your relationship with Dr. Scholl’s.

3. You will be annoyed by 40% of the customers you help and completely indifferent to another 50%. The other 10% are the customers that will save your life, giving you hope for humanity. Always focus on that 10%, if you can help it.

4. People always say that they hate it when retail employees approach…

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Take This Hearing Test Right Now And Feel Really Old & Scared!

Thought Catalog

I remember there being ringtones my friends and I downloaded in high school that sounded at such a high frequency, our old fogey teachers couldn’t even hear it. Well, the tables have turned and now many of us are the ancient, crusty souls unable to hear particular sounds. I recommend taking the test because to some degree it’s fun, but if you realize you can’t hear a certain level be prepared to freak out. As if our oft achy bodies or inability to recover from drinking weren’t enough, now we’ve got this to show us that Father Time ain’t no joke. TC Mark

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The 5 Stages Of Grief You Go Through When You Find Out You Have Herpes

Thought Catalog

1. Denial

There’s no way.

I got a second opinion. I actually went and got tested somewhere else. It just wasn’t possible. After all, I’d only ever really had sex with one person and never without a condom. And with other people I hadn’t done the deed with, I still had been so responsible. Really. There was no way anything like this could have ever happen to me. I went to work right after my appointment, in a daze. In disbelief. Pretending that my afternoon spent in urgent care was all just a bad dream.

2. Anger

Fuck him.

When I found out who had passed it on to me via a cold sore on his lip, I stole his idiotic, hideous, ironic jorts he left at a friend’s house, soaked them in paint thinner and burned them, as two very pleasant drunk passers-by warmed themselves from the bonfire my…

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I always love you, but I wish I didn’t fancy you.

There are many different aspects to a long term relationship, and I have to be honest, I have not got the time or patience to discuss them all. However in light of recent events I wish to discuss some.

Yet again me and the other half have been having some rows, it’s natural I guess when you’ve been with the same person for so long, and you’re both quite identical, and both very VERY stubborn. But anyways. 

The things is, not matter how much we argue, or what about, even when he says truly nasty things to me, I know deep down I still love him because if I didn’t I wouldn’t be with him, and I wouldn’t be arguing with him and trying to save us still. 

But on the other hand, when he is being the worlds biggest douche and really breaking my heart, I get so angry, and yet I know if he just looks at me, I’d drop my pants for him in a heartbeat. 

DO YOU KNOW HOW FRUSTRATING IT IS TO SIMULTANEOUSLY WANT TO PUNCH SOMEONE IN THE FACE AND YET FUCK THEM SO HARD THEY ARE SORE FOR WEEKS?!?!

It’s really frustrating, it’s like, you are being a knob, you are making me cry, but my god you are a beautiful creature.

Also, men talk about women using their looks and sex appeal to win arguments but do you gents realise, you do the same! 

It is heartbreaking being mad at someone you love, but it’s also near impossible when after two years, you still find literally everything about them a turn on. 

10 Reasons I Fell In Love With You

Thought Catalog

1. We never managed to enjoy a Valentine’s Day date or other cliché couple-y outings. Instead, I felt your hand on my knee during dinner with your parents. A comforting back scratch on the long subway ride home. Kissing you while it snowed, loving how our breath warmed each other up. Knowing you loved me before you finally said it.

2. I had butterflies in my stomach right before I saw you. Every time.

3. Your genuine kindness may have been abashed by those who didn’t return the favor, but I never stopped believing and loving your sincerity. It’s why everyone is always drawn to you.

4. We fit perfectly together, in a pretzel tangle the way the handle curves and melts so smoothly into the coffee mug.

5. You liked different TV shows and movies than I did, but we fell for the same melodies. We could blast the…

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15 Struggles Every Blonde Experiences

Thought Catalog

1. The reoccurring fear that you’re just in your “Zooey Deschanel blonde” phase and that your life will turn around once you go brunette. Every blonde sees the once-blonde-now-better transformation and deeply fears they’re in it without even knowing.

2. Roots. Even if you’re naturally blonde, once the summer sun is done lightening your strands, you end up with darker-shaded roots. This provokes a variety of questions regarding your natural hair color, stylist, etc.

3. The “dumb blonde” jokes that are, somehow, still a thing. I’m biased but I don’t understand how anybody finds those jokes funny. Actually, my theory is that it’s just how people cope with the beautiful, golden mavens of the world.

4. Price of upkeep. The price of highlights these days are insane (especially in New York) and I mean, when you’re dealing with bleach and your head, you usually want to play it safe.

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