We shouldn’t be together anymore.

We shouldn’t be together anymore. But I don’t want to and I will not end it with you. 

I’m with you because I love you, yes, but maybe I’ve also become comfortable. Scared of finding out what it would be like to not be with you. I’m just settled. And when you’re not being the big cunt that you are, you are perfect.

You’re with me because your nearly 30, still living at home, and worry that if you don’t find someone to settle down with soon, you never will. You haven’t actually said this, but I know it and I don’t think even if we end up married for 30 years, that I’ll think any different. 

We’re two people who have become the others habit. I’ve seen you every Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the last yer and a half (and now all through the week as well) and last night when we argued, we realised we only see each other every weekend, because that’s the way it’s always been. Yes I get so excited when the weekend comes because I know I can see you, and the excitement of the first few months of the relationship hasn’t left me just yet but you? You just see me because it’s what we’ve always done. You’re not excited when I walk through the door. You’re not ecstatic that you get to spend the night with your girl. I’m just there, because I always have been.

And maybe that’s just the problem. I am always there for you. You’ve never had to worry about not having my support, me not running to your aid if you ever ask, me ignoring you, turning on you, leaving you. I drop everything in a heartbeat for you, and so you now take me for granted. Maybe you need to lose me for a bit to realise how much you do love me, need me, how much you do really want me. 

And if you don’t realise it, then I’ve had a lucky escape haven’t I.

 

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