“You have me, d…

“You have me, don’t forget it. Don’t lose me and then regret it.”

-Layla Sitton


How was your day?

I do not have any friends. I have a boyfriend who blows hot and cold constantly. I have work colleagues younger than me, who patronise the shit out of me regularly. I have a family of in-laws who don’t deem me good enough. I have no motivation to be better at anything, whether that be earning the approval of people or furthering my shitty career. 

And that sums up my sorry existence, how was your day?


I Tried Masturbating To Music Instead Of Porn And Had The Best Orgasm Of My Life

Thought Catalog

I hate perversions of natural beauty. That’s something Amber my pen pal, and friend for six years, once said to me in a letter addressed from Rhode Island to Jamaica. She dated a Jacob at the time, called him Jake. He was a boy who, I realized much later, is not exactly her physical type, but just the type of person she could see herself spending the rest of her life with. He made her feel confused a lot, and angry a lot, and at the time we thought this was love. Because the distended, figurative heart, wracked with woe and melodramatic feelings must not be ill and fed up of the tired old bullshit, but instead, simply, in love.

But I don’t want to talk about love. I care for it, but mostly don’t discuss it. I’d rather talk about sex. I want to talk about the natural beauty…

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I’m A Little Bit Concerned.

I am 18 years old, essentially, this is the age, where I am at my physical and mental peak. So you can perhaps forgive me for always being under the impression that I would have an incredibly active sex life, especially given  A. I have a boyfriend B. He is older C. He apparently does fancy me.

But sadly none of these things matter, and it would seem I could become celibate at the mere age of 18. 

To cut a long story short (and to save my boyfriend, whom I love, some embarrassment) he just doesn’t want to have sex anymore. I don’t know if he’s worried about work, keeping me happy, money etc. but he has had no interest in it in months. And we haven’t had sex for nearly 7 weeks now. 

At first I was angry, because well, to be frank, I have a very VERY high sex drive, and it was bad enough my boyfriend would only put out once a week. Then going from once a week to once a fortnight to never, broke my heart. Am I that ugly? That undesirable? So of course, I was feeling rejected, insecure, unwanted, and i got angry, I threw strops, I probably said some things I shouldn’t (but then do did he) but now I’m just sad. 

Because my boyfriend, whilst older than me, is not that old. He is young and has no physical reason to not be sexually active, and yet he really doesn’t want it at all, and that really worries me, not that’ll he’ll talk to me about it or go to the doctors or do anything to figure out why and fix it.

So well, I’ve basically given up, because when I ask him about sex now he gets angry because he assumes I’m having a dig at him when really I’m now just concerned and want to help. Because lets face it, sexless relationships are rare. But now I’ve given up on the idea of sex, and I love my boyfriend so I won’t leave him, does this mean I could abstinent for the rest of my life?

Any other woman would cheat, but I am not like that so I either stay with the man I love and have no sex or leave him and have sex but no longer be with the man I love. 

I think I’m just scared because I am too young to not be having sex, definately way too young. And I like sex, and I want sex, especially with my boyfriend,  as when we have sex it’s awesome. But if I love him, is that something I’m going to have to give up just to be with him?

I’m just not sure how I can fight my natural urges to have sex, and how much longer we would last if I end up bitter over him not giving me something that is natural within a couple.

Its all I can think about for the past few days, and it’s making me really upset.