You Should Let Me Love You

So,to anyone who actually read this, I’m sorry if you feel I’ve neglected writing for a while. I had a bad few nights, with a lot of sadness, have been very busy with work and alongside that, I don’t really sleep so I have been exhausted.

Well, I can’t promise that my ‘comeback’ will be all that exciting , but it is something that is bothering me: My relationship.

Basically, I have been with my boyfriend nearly a year and a half now and well, neither one of us is soppy, so we don’t spend ages writing long lovey dovey texts, we dont annoy our friends by kissing and canoodling every two seconds in public, and we don’t say the L word.  And you may think it’s weird, considering I’m a girl and supposedly need constant reassurance that I’m loved, but I can deal with that. What I can’t deal with is the fact that lately, it seems my boyfriend has no feelings at all towards me. Now I know he does love me, he’s the one who told me we’d get married  we were having kids etc. and we are planning a holiday together, but just lately I can’t get my head around his complete inability to voice emotions. 

It’s perhaps a shallow thing, but surely sex is an important part of any relationship. And it just seems that I have to deal with no kisses, no hugs, no ‘I love you’s’ , and nowadays, even when we both have time off from work and don’t have to rush around anywhere, I still can’t get this tiny bit of attention from him.

It’s one thing to never tell a girl you love her, so long as you show it adequately, but it is another to give her no attention whatsoever, sexual or otherwise. I just sometimes wonder why you’re even with me, if you don’t want me.

I was going to tell him I love him this weekend , properly for the first time ever as a friend of mine said “who cares if he won’t say it back, you know he feels it and you feel it so you should be able to say it” and he has a point I guess. But I just couldn’t. I felt too let down this weekend. First the no sex, then the anger when I kissed him, then the promising to take me clubbing, then to a restaurant, then we ended up at our shitty local, I just am tired of  putting in so much effort all the time, for him to half arse it

Don’t get me wrong, he is a lovely bloke, and when he does something great, he goes all out. But I am still young, and yes, I want to be with him for the rest of my life, but if only certain changes can be made. I’ve had to make allowances for the fact he is 11 years older than me, surely he should make some for the fact I’m 11 years younger?

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