Work. Eat. Sleep. Repeat.
Feeling low lately. I haven’t written on here in so long. I don’t even know where to begin. I’ve been working non stop, I barely have time for anything I enjoy anymore. Early nights, early starts, long , seemingly endless days.
And well, there’s a long story, but recently seeing my boyfriend has been made harder, and obviously that upsets me.
I know this isn’t an interesting post for you guys, but I’m going through a few things, and it’s been so long since I’ve last written I couldn’t even tell you what those things were because they wouldn’t make sense to you. Eurgh.
It’s just one of those periods in my life, when nothing seems to be going the way I would like it to, and I get upset, over the silly stuff.
I’m working ridiculous hours some days in a job I dont like, that’s an hour away , so I can help save money with my boyfriend so we can buy a place of our own…you know what…
I’m just frustrated that everything people want in this life takes so long to get, and we have to work so hard for so little.
This is actually horrible. I in no way believe I have any right to judge what people do in the bedroom, and yeah sure sometimes doing things a bit rough is exciting. But this is a bit far I think. There’s liking it rough with someone you love and respect, and then there is abusing someone purely for your pleasure.
My Dom and I met on OkCupid when I first moved to New York in September.
His profile was long and devoid of any real information about himself. I was bored one night and so sent him a message saying simply “????”
I got a flippant reply. Silly girls always fall for this. In my curiosity to figure him out, it prompted me to ask “what are you looking for?”
He responded quickly.
“I want a mature, willing submissive. A girl willing to listen and obey when I command her. A girl who gets wet having me in control, humiliating, degrading her, bringing her to orgasm in whatever way I please.”
I wondered how someone could be so ridiculous. But the message had turned me on. I wanted to learn what he’d be like in person. A few more messages and then texts and we agreed to meet one Saturday…
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I do not have any friends. And I think this might be the last I say on it , because I truly am past caring now, and it’s good. I feel better.
Sure you ‘tried’ feigned missing me, promises of invites, never losing contact, bff’s and all that blah blah. But we all knew it was bollocks, but I tried to believe in it, as to save any of us embarrassment. But now, well, I don’t owe a single person anything. I did make the effort, I did mean the ‘I miss you’s’ and I did a lot, and wasted a lot of time, making sure I could see you people whenever you decided to remember I existed and invite me out.
But I can’t be asked anymore. You can all relate when I say, when you’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t make any effort you’re always left doing the hard work, and eventually you get fed up and break it off. Well this is me breaking it off.
I don’t wish any nastiness, I really do wish you all well in the future, you’ve all worked for where you are going in your lives and so I hope everything works out as you planned. But whilst you were all planning, you all forgot about me, so now I have to forget about you, it’s only fair.
And anyways, I’m ok now. I’m finally content with myself, my relationship, and my path in life. Any thing else would either be a bonus or a distraction.
So, yes, I am Layla, I am 18 years old, I do not have any friends, and it really does not matter 😀
Well that works out grand because my life is far from ok right now.
So, I quit my job, a little over a month ago. Yes I hated it, yes I couldn’t wait to leave, but I did not quit my job rashly, I quit, under the impression I had a new job to run to. How wrong was I. What was meant to be m new full time job with better pay, has ended up in me doing about three shifts, and only earning £120.
I don’t know if any of you guys know this, but £120 is barely good for one week, let alone four.
So, long sad pathetic story short, I am down to my last few hundred pounds. I have to pay out around £400 in the next month and a half, and clearly my income does not match my outgoings. I am really, truly struggling, and so scared. Barely eating (that costs money y’know) and I just want to cry all the time.
Don’t get me wrong, I have had a few days in the last month when I haven’t been so down. I’ve been able to temporarily forget that I actually cannot afford to exist, that my life is going down the shitter, that all the fabulous GCSE grades in the world do not mean anything. But most days, I don’t see the point in getting up. I feel like a let down to all those around me. I feel like an embarrassment, a failure. I hate myself.
There was a time when I dreamt of being a lawyer. There was a time when I was going to do a degree in English. Become a teacher, a journalist, a musician. And now look at me.
Too poor to even breath the same air as the rest of you.
1. A smile isn’t always an indication of happiness, and after standing on your feet for ten hours, it’s an indication of madness verging on serial murder. After nine o’clock, customers should only approach a smiling retail employee at their own risk – or with a baseball bat behind their back.
2. You will make a lot of friends working retail, and you may even get some numbers from the customers you don’t want to drown like a bag of kittens. However, no relationship will be as important as your relationship with Dr. Scholl’s.
3. You will be annoyed by 40% of the customers you help and completely indifferent to another 50%. The other 10% are the customers that will save your life, giving you hope for humanity. Always focus on that 10%, if you can help it.
4. People always say that they hate it when retail employees approach…
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I remember there being ringtones my friends and I downloaded in high school that sounded at such a high frequency, our old fogey teachers couldn’t even hear it. Well, the tables have turned and now many of us are the ancient, crusty souls unable to hear particular sounds. I recommend taking the test because to some degree it’s fun, but if you realize you can’t hear a certain level be prepared to freak out. As if our oft achy bodies or inability to recover from drinking weren’t enough, now we’ve got this to show us that Father Time ain’t no joke.
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